Don't Speak

z

I turned to a book to improve my EQ.

Almost every chapter in Don't Sweat The Small Stuff by Richard Carlson offers me something to think about.

Here are some excerpts from the book that make a lot of sense to me.

• Allow Yourself To Be Bored.

A friend of mine said to me, " People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings." I was first exposed to the idea that occasional boredom can actually be good for me while studying with a therapist. "What is there to do around here at night?" He responded by saying, "What I'd like you to do is allow yourself to be bored. Do nothing. This is part of your training." He went on to explain that if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour - or less- and don't fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you'll learn to relax.

Much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something to entertain them, something to focus on, and always wondering " What's next?" While we're eating dinner we wonder what's for dessert. While eating dessert, we ponder what we should do afterward. After that evening, it's "What should we do this weekend?" After we've been out, we walk into the house and immediately turn on the television, pick up the phone, open the book, or start cleaning. It's almost as though we're frightened at the thought of not having something to do, even for a minute.

• Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral.

This strategy is a little scary for some people but universally effective at reminding us of what's most important in our lives. When we look back on our lives, how many of us are going to be please at how uptight we were? Almost universally, when people look back on their lives while on their deathbed, they wish that their priorities had been quite different. With few exceptions, people wish they hadn't "sweated the small stuff" so much. Instead they wish they had spent more time with the people and activities that they truly loved and less time worrying about aspects of life that, upon deeper examination, really don't matter all that much.

• Imagine that Everyone is Enlightened Except You

The people that you meet are all here to teach you something. Perhaps the obnoxious driver or disrespectful teenager is here to teach you about patience, the punk rocker might be here to teach you to be less judgmental. Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you. You'll find that if you do this, you'll be far less annoyed, bothered, and frustrated by the actions and imperfections of other people. For example, suppose you're in the post office and the postal clerk appears to be intentionally moving slowly. Rather than feeling frustrated, ask yourself the question, " What is he trying to teach me?" Maybe you need to learn about compassion - how hard it would be to have a job that you don't like. Or perhaps you could learn a little more about being patient.

***

I've been learning to keep my mouth shut and instead listen and observe. Not doing it so well but I'm trying. It's nice to really listen to what others have to say sometimes. Here's what I have to say.

• Silence is Golden.

z